Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Goodbyes

My heart goes out to my family today. While I wish I could be with them today, I'm glad they understood me staying here.

I've found Skype and my internet rarely work when I want them to. My brother's birthday, Mother's Day... I think the internet is secretly scheming against me. Théo was really nice and lent me his so that I could wish Brendan a happy birthday on facebook. I'm not sure why the internet here never works. My only theory is that all the strikes that the workers here have effected (affected? merde, I've completely lost my grammar skills) it and it's working French-style.

On Monday, I had to say goodbye to Ben. He's going to Dublin to work for at least the next six months. He's become one of my best friends here, so I'm really sad to see him leaving (really it's only by chance that I was tired and didn't sob all over him. He got lucky). We spent yesterday hanging out at the park then a cafe and I met him later for drinks.

I gave him my blog so he now has access to my incredible wit, intelligence, and modesty, even though it'll be over in three weeks. I would write one for Dubuque, but my entries would look like this:

Went to class today. And work. Am now watching tv. I think I might go to McDonalds. Do you think they have pain au chocolat there?

I cringe at the very thought. Though I suppose as a fiction writer, I could make up stories to make things more interesting.

I went to work, and a man in a suit was waiting for me. He claimed he was from the FBI and that they had a special mission for me... Go undercover at Disneyworld to stop a huge character riot.

Molly and I didn't end up going to Disneyland because that was the day I got the email and because neither of us could really afford it. She left on Sunday. Melyn and I helped her with her bags. This was necessary as she had 5 of them and two of them were roughly the size and weight of me. I'm still not sure how she got all of them on the plane, but I can't wait to hear that story.

Théo also found out about my blog and asked me for the address. Thinking of the "Why My Family Will Think Any European Male I Bring Home is Gay" entry, I turned down the request. After being asked a few more times, I finally gave in. Théo and Ben, don't be offended by the list. It's all cultural differences... not any reflection on your sexuality.

Though really, everyone should thank me. It's a common misconception that French men are all gay and I have just done the work for them by pegging down specific reasons people think this.

Well, I have to go meet Katie at the office to give her some stuff she forgot from Spring Break, but I'll write more later.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Mema

This post is going to be dedicated to the memory of Billie Sue Hartsell, an amazing grandmother and person.

About 5 seconds after I read the email that she had passed on, Molly knocked on the door. She gave me a hug and was really nice and comforting and let me cry for a little bit, and then we went out to the park to just sit there with Ben and Melyn.

I got to talk to my family when we returned, which was a good thing even though I cried a lot. Tamara (my roommate) was concerned when she heard me and asked if everything was ok. When I told her, she said that if I needed someone to talk to (even if I wanted to talk in English) or cry on or to make Nutella sandwiches that she would be there, which I appreciated. Steven knocked on my door to see what was up for the day and realized something was wrong when he saw my face. He offered to make me dinner, which I thought was really nice of him. Melyn and Molly ended up making me pasta carbonera for dinner and Théo brought me pain au chocolat.

I just realized how much food was mentioned in that. Apparently eating is how I cope with things. No one should find this surprising.

It was really nice to see that I had a support system here even though I haven't been here for too terribly long. I got a lot of sympathy from the Language Exchange people as well. Everyone was looking out for me, so no worries.

I was glad I got to say goodbye last Sunday through Skype and talk to her one final time. I'm going to miss her.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Disney Trumps School

My classes end in exactly four days. Considering the fact that I've been in class since January, I'm ready to be done with classes.

Naturally, I'm not ready to leave Paris. I've already begun making plans to come back. I just looked up how to get a job at EuroDisney, and this is what I found:


Character work : Make dreams come true by bringing to life the famous Disney Characters, including the Princes & Princesses. No formal training is needed, just an abundance of energy, a big smile and a dream in your heart.


Energy? Check. A big smile? Check. A dream in my heart? I have more than one, so I'm overqualified.

I'm pretty sure I was born for that job.

Now no judgements please, but Molly and I are going back to Disneyland on Friday. It's her third to last day. This time we're going with British friends. They have been warned that Molly and I stick to the Pirates' Code: any man who falls behind is left behind. They laughed and thought we were joking, but they'll see.

Molly and I have actually had everyday planned out for the last two weeks to ensure that we covered everything before she leaves next Sunday. We've been mapping out our favorite meals and places. Someone in our class tried to set up a going away party for us, but that was Disney day, so I had to gently let them down.

Our French friends are utterly disgusted with our choice to go to Disneyland again. They all had some snippity comments to make, but soon stopped after I told them all they were Satanists for hating the most magical place on Earth.

The past week has been very fun. Molly received to vouchers for free meals from Hardrock Cafe, so we used them on Friday. Each voucher was for an appetizer, an entree, a dessert and a free drink. We had so much food on the table that at one point one of the servers went, "Look at that! It looks like they're having a damn picnic!" We ended up having 6 full boxes of food to take home. Our server couldn't look us in the eye because he started laughing every single time. But then, we were laughing too. We also went to the Phantom of the Opera's opera house again. Many dramatic pictures were taken. No Phantom sitings yet. I fear he's on vacation.

I have acquired a boyfriend. In France if you go on dates two days in a row, you're dating. True story. I was unaware of this rule until someone I hadn't been aware I'd been dating gave me the friend's speech. I think he was more confused than I was when I said, "Wait, weren't we already friends?" This is probably why relationships in Paris don't last very long. Anyway, this new guy (Théo) actually eats more than I do, so he wins. Though he refuses to come with me to Disneyland. His loss.

I have four tests in the next three days. And three papers (though I'm almost done with one of them). I should probably go study for those. I have absolutely no idea how I'll do in these French classes. The French aren't as straightforward about things like what you're learning or what's due or what's going to be on the final. They just give you a bunch of worksheets and go, "OK! Guess! Hope you're right!"

Molly and I tried to get one of our teachers to tell us what would be on the test and she started this monologue about Smurfs (or Schtrumpfs in French)- as in the cartoon characters. I'm not even joking. We were like, "Yes, Smurfs are blue... that's very nice. We assume that won't be on the test, but we were wondering if the past tense will be... What? No real answer? Still going on about Smufs? Ok." It's a tad bit irritating, so right now I'm just going to study as much as I can and pray that something she handed us a worksheet on will be one the test. There's about a 50% chance that it will be.

Pray for my French grades. They will probably need it.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Why My Family Will Think Any European Male I Bring Home Is Gay

As promised...

1. Two words: man purse. Far too many European males are rockin’ the murse. I get that it’s good for carrying stuff around, and they can’t use their pockets unlike Amercian males because of #2, which is…

2. Tight pants. Not exactly skin tight, but there’s not much room for anything to breathe. I thought that was important.

3. They look so put together. They generally dress better and are more fashion forward than I am. No t-shirts for these boys. Even those trying to rock the American gangsta style still look like the model versions of American gangsters. (Except my friend, Arnaud, but he also knows every American rap song ever sung. I don’t think he counts.)

4. Their hair is also generally better than mine.

5. Man jewelry, and I don’t mean watches.

6. They wear ties to clubs. I can’t even count the number of guys I’ve danced with in suits. It’s a bit ridiculous. I’m pretty sure in the States a guy just picks up a random shirt, says, “That smells like it’s clean,” and then goes out.

7. Their cologne smells better than my perfume… and they always wear it, so they always smell slightly flowery.

8. They don’t really eat. Well, they do… just way less. It always makes me really uncomfortable when whatever guy I’m on a date with consumes less food than me. That happens… every date here. Unless they have discovered the joy that is McDonalds, in which case they can probably out eat me.

9. Their alcoholic beverage of choice is wine. In the States, you bring beer to a sporting event. In France, real men drink wine.

And last but not least,

10. I saw two guys bisous, which is the French greeting of kissing on both cheeks. I don’t care if they were drunk. Isn’t that when your true emotions come out?

Friday, May 8, 2009

Yet Another Holiday the French Have That You Don't

Right now a lot of the boys in my foyer are playing ping pong outside in the courtyard. I can hear every word they're saying, and am learning a lot of new French swear words.

I know it's been a long time. I beg your forgiveness. I just have been a bit busy with school and life. (We've been doing something pretty much every single night.)

I attended my first French film without subtitles last week. Coco Avant Chanel (Coco before Chanel). It was all about her love affair before she started her clothing line. As I know most relationship words in French, I did pretty well with it and only had turn to my friend one time and ask, "So wait, the guy she's having a fling with is married?"

This past weekend was the first that we went out every single night... from Wednesday night to Sunday morning (yes, I'm aware that I wrote morning). I done that exactly... never, so I needed all of Sunday to recover.

The French get May Day (May 1st) off. It's like their Labor Day. Apparently it's even bigger in Finland and called "Vappu," so all my Finnish friends organized a picnic. We all drank wine and ate bread and meat and cheese (I held away from the cheese). Some amazing person also brought bubbles. Then we went back to the girls' apartment and had sushi and some Finnish bread.

I've had sushi before, but I forgot (stupidly) that wassabi was very spicy. This led to tears running down my face and far too many people asking me if I was ok. I think wassabi improperly named. I think it should be called "Clear your sinuses" sauce. Though "wassabi" is probably the word first person who ever had it said when they tried it. It was supposed to be "What the hell?" but "wassabi" came out instead. Thus the power of wassabi. (I know it's a Japanese word... I imagine the direct translation into English is "Wtf, mate?")

One of my friends, Théo, was upset that he didn't get to come to Vappu, so he's having another one at his place on Saturday. His parents have a very nice apartment (it's really rare in Paris to have a big/ nice apartment. The one I went to 2 weekends ago would have made most New York appartments look like grand palaces), so it should be good. We decided to have another picnic before it.

One of my best friends from high school, Allison, is coming to visit. She's currently studying in Galway. I'm SO excited to be seeing her again. She gets in tonight. Théo has informed me that I'm allowed to bring her to Vappu, so she will have an unrealistic idea of French apartments. If I was allowed to show her my room to counteract this idea, I would.

I got to experience watching a soccer game in someone's apartment on Wednesday. Chelsea and Barcelona were having an important game, so Arnaud invited a few of us to his appartment. I was expecting the guys to bring beer or something like it... no, they all brought wine. And instead of having meat and chips and greasy food, Arnaud brought out peanuts. Molly and I had to go buy a bag of chips to feel at home. Molly judged Arnaud for his lack of proper food. When we opened his refridgerator, it contained only things like yogurt. He also had a bowl of fruit on the counter. I told him he wasn't a real boy. At that point, he opened the freezer to show me the steaks he had in there, but it wasn't enough to impress me.

I felt better when Molly said, "Don't worry, he goes to McDonalds a lot." Arnaud nodded and said, "Yeah, it's right around the corner."

Still, I could never marry a European male. I need someone who eats more than I do. These boys just don't cut it. I think my next post will be a list entitled: "Why My Family Will Think Any European Male I Bring Home Is Gay." Look out for it sometime this weekend. We have today off again because... the French have more days off than anyone else in the world.

I have decided to end my classes when all the rest of the people in my program are (May 22nd), and spend the rest of the time traveling or working on my great American novel. I think I may have to make the man slightly unrealistic (in the sense he will be both European and act like an actual man), but he'll still be European enough. We will see how this goes.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Tour of Near-Death Experiences

Spring Break is almost officially over. Technically it ends tomorrow at 2 pm French time when I go to my oral French class, but I'm done with my travelling, so the fun part is over. Now I get to work on homework that I've been avoiding for the past two weeks.

Our last days in Greece were very fun. We finally made it to Oia, which is the part of the island where The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was filmed. Katie's a big fan, so we spent a large amount of time trying to figure out which parts of the city were used in the movie.

One of the restaurants by us housed my new favorite food. It was a homemade waffle with chocolate and Baileys on top. I'm recreating this when I get home, and possibly marketing it for large sums of money. It can be one of the items for sale in the fabulous bakery I plan on opening.

The bar right next to it housed some of the largest margaritas I've ever seen. I had a mango one, and it was one of my favorite alcoholic beverages. It came with an umbrella, as all good drinks should. It was only seven euros in Greece, so it would be roughly 300 euros in France WITHOUT the umbrella. We actually didn't get drunk. Usually we were so tired from our rough days of laying on the beach that we just crashed. Even though we're all 21, I think our actual ages can be placed more at 90.

The final day was definitely the best one. We booked a tour. They took us to a dock where there were a bunch of ships that looked like they should be in Peter Pan. I think my childlike enthusiam scared some people. I'm sure my "I'm sorry, I've just never ridden on a pirate ship before" definitely didn't help.

Don't worry, I took pictures.

The pirate ship took us to an active volcano and we climbed up the side of it. I wasn't told it was an active volcano until I reached the top, so thoughts of "This is going to explode... this is going to explode... I'm going to die in a fiery pit of lava just like Gollum unless the Eagle king comes to save me from the side of the mountain like he did for Sam and Frodo... But I don't know the Eagle king! I'm screwed!" Yes, most of my episodes of fear somehow turn into commentaries on Lord of the Rings.

But anyway, so apparently the volcano wasn't going to explode that day, so I just have a lot of pictures of igneous rock formations.

Next they took us to hot springs. I thought we were going to go on a little hike and BAM! the springs would magically be there. Nope, you gotta work for things in Greece. Our boat was parked some distance away from shore and they said, "Okay, so see way over there? That's the hot springs. We can't park there because there are a lot of jagged rocks, so you have to swim through this really, really cold water right here and then you reach the hot springs. Well, not really HOT, more lukewarm. But they're good for your skin! So you get to stay there and prepare for when you have to go through the cold water again to get to the boat."

I turned to Molly and Katie and said, "I think I'll pass." To which Katie replied, "You're from Chicago. You'd better be able to swim in the Greek version of cold." So the three of us jumped in along with two girls from Canada, who also thought they could take the Greek version of cold.

The Greeks and I have very similar versions of cold. Of course, I have slightly more tolerance so I psuhed my way to those hot springs, and basked in their luke-warmness. While floating, I noticed a clear circle in the water that kind of looked like a jellyfish, so I told everyone about it. No one heard me because it was at this time that Molly screamed because a plastic bag had touched her. Understandable, as plastic bags are known for their vicious sting.

Therefore, it came more as a shock to everyone else than it came to me when we swam back and were completely surrounded by a school (is it a school if they're jellyfish? I'm not up on my fish lingo. We'll just call it a gang then... a huge biker gang) of jellyfish. Much screaming and freaking out ensued. I stayed calm and just kept saying things like, "Just keep swimming" and "Maybe they don't sting in Greece." I supposed it kind of worked, because I sort of managed to calm down one of the Canadian girls.

We made it safely back to the boat, and all acknowledged that it would have been nice to know about the killer jellyfish before venturing out into the water. Some of us didn't express it that eloquently, but the sentiment was basically the same.

We then made it to Oia. The boat dropped us off at the bottom of a large cliff that had a beautiful, windy staircase. The city was at the top. Molly and one of the Canadian girls decided to walk up it, but Katie, the other Canadian girl and I decided to go on donkeys, just like they do in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Also, the stairs were steep and at a 90 degree angle. After walking up about 10 of them I was winded, and I am in shape after carrying a 25 pound bag around Italy and Greece. A donkey doing the work for me sounded like a better idea.

Until I got on the donkey. My donkey and Katie's donkey were having the donkey version of a pissing-contest. They both wanted to be in the lead and would try to run past each other and bump into each other. If they had understood English I would have yelled, "Stop trying to figure out who's got bigger balls. We are on a CLIFF!" Except being Greek donkeys, they only understood Greek.

We made it to the top alive, and I vowed never to ride a donkey again. Though, now when I watch the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I can go, "yeah, I did that" when they're all on the donkeys. Which really is all that matters, bragging rights. In life, it's not what you do that's important, it's what you did that you're allowed to brag about that's important.

We then ate dessert and had wine on the terrace of a resaurant while watching the sunset. THAT I will do again.

I probably made the tour sound terrfying, but it was actually a lot of fun when I wasn't about to have a heart attack. We made friends because there's no way you can swim through jellyfish-infested waters and ride killer donkeys with people and be enemies with them. It's just not possible.

It was a good Spring Break.

Monday, April 20, 2009

My Big, Fat, Greek Adventure

Trains, planes, buses, boats, and cars... I took one of each yesterday. Needless to say, today was a sleeping in day.

We're finally in Greece! Santorini is beautiful! We spent today at the beach. It was a little cold, but as Chicago girls we've had colder. We were the only people on the beach who actually braved the water. Molly did not listen to my many warnings about skin cancer, and now has a sunburn that makes her a lovely lobster color. Me and my SPF 30 worked quite well together. We plan on continuing our relationship for the next four days.

The ship to Santorini was a cruise-type ship. It took us to the island from Athens. They played My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding in English with Greek subtitles. It was strange to see, but it blended Greek with Chicago, so Katie and I were happy to be able to watch it. We both acknowledged while looking at the subtitles that we had no idea really what Greek sounded like... A little like Italian, but not really. I'm not sure what I was expecting. I've just never been in a country without the standard latin alphabet. It's really hard to guess what signs are trying to tell you, but thankfully some of them have English on the bottom.

Venice was just as beautiful as I remembered. Katie, Molly, and I went on a gondola ride and saw Marco Polo and Casanova's houses. I think that says a lot about the city: the famous people from it are an explorer and a man known for sleeping around.

I attempted to find Christine, but it sadly didn't work out. I'll have to wait until I get back to the States to see her.

We're going out tonight, so I have to go. Cross your fingers that Greek guys are less creepy than Italians!